It's My Party and I'll Cry If I Want To

Me crying, to get away from Santa.

I began today another year older. Wheee. Is it supposed to make me happy that I don't feel older? Actually, I'm not worried about next year either. The "big 3-0" doesn't scare me. At least not yet.

I got a call from my sister this afternoon. She had the day off and was walking around town with her little boy, Z. I got to talk to him after she and I were finished, and they both made my day!

I was born September 10th, just in time for my mom's birthday.

A little while ago my mom called to wish me a happy birthday. We talked for a little while and then she told me that I gave her the best birthday present she had ever received. On the 12th (her birthday), I opened my eyes and looked at her for the first time.

Dad's hand to me - size comparison.

My dad holding me.

Little bitty feet.

Yawn!

I actually started my morning (today) by looking at job postings and sending my resume to a handful of places. Sounds like fun, I know.

If you're wondering about what happened with the Astros job, well, they thought I was overqualified and decided not to hire me for the graphic design position they called about. They did however, hang on to my resume and contact information for future use.

Anyway, while I was looking at jobs and "applying", I started some laundry. You know how that is, it never seems to end. Then I vacuumed because I couldn't stand seeing the bits of grass that had been tracked in by Kira after J mowed this past weekend. He's so sweet to do that.

I sat back down at my desk after vacuuming, and received a phone call from a company. They wanted to see if I would be interested in an Art Director position. Wow! I have mixed emotions, but I'll try to get an interview with them and see what happens.

Actually it wasn't as simple as that. Lately I have been very frustrated. I have been praying that God will bless me with either:
A.) More business and clients for my graphic design company (along with repeat work), or
B.) A part-time or full-time position somewhere, so I can help support my family.

A little over a year ago, the print house I worked for had to shut down for six months. I was unable to find a job where I could grow, or make anything equal to what I had been making. At that point J and I knew that it was time for me to move forward with a dream I've had for a long time. I wanted to start my own business and work from home. Doing that would also allow me to stay home once we have children, and I could continue to work (even if it became a part-time thing).

The frustration comes into play when I think about everything. I try to remain patient, because I know God's timing isn't the same as mine. All the while, I know that I need to be making more money to help out. It's difficult to say, but we're struggling. Not so much in our relationship or marriage, but with work, life, money. Money can be very trying for a marriage, and we are fully aware of that.

I was thinking about different jobs I've applied for lately, along with what I'm currently trying to do with my business, and I started to cry.

I don't want to "need" to get another job somewhere. I want to be successful with my company, and my freelance graphic design. Don't get me wrong, I have been successful, but I need more work. Summer is typically very slow and that didn't help things.

I think the stress and frustration of everything just built up to as much as I could take. I don't want to go back to having a terrible boss, or a bad work environment. I'm a bit fearful to go back into something like that. I feel that if I had to work somewhere else that I would be "giving up" on my dream. In a sense I'd be failing and I don't want to fail. There are too many people who never get the chance to follow their dreams, and I don't want to say that happened to me.

I know that running my own business is hard, and takes a long time. Trust me I know. It's also difficult to help others see that things aren't going to happen as soon as they'd like. Starting a business is not steady or reliable. Freelance design is just that, freelance. There are times of plenty and there are lean times. This is a lean time.

I want to remain as I am. The owner, boss, sales person, billing department, and designer all wrapped up in one. It's hard work, but rewarding and I enjoy it. I actually enjoy my job! I don't think there has been a time when I felt that way before.

I feel a little better after writing all of that. I'm not even sure if it made sense. Today's post is like a journal of feelings, which don't always have to make sense. Thank you for "listening". I appreciate it.

I welcome you to take a look at my business website and blog. The examples I have on each site do not limit me to what I can create and design. If you need something done, let me know. Tell your friends and your family. Let your business know. Chances are, I'm cheaper to use than it would be to hire someone for a position within the company.

Have a wonderful day.

My grandfather R and I on my first birthday.
Have some cake for me!