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Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Waking Up Sobbing Into My Pillow

Have you ever had a dream that seemed so very real, that right before you wake up you are aware it's a dream, but you still consciously know that you're going to cry? Yep this was one of those.

This is definitely a different type of post for me. I can't recall the whole dream, but it was strange and quite upsetting.

My Aunt G, cousin L, Uncle K, and my sister C were with me. There were other people from our family, but at the time it was just us. We were at some unknown airport going down an escalator. Somehow I think either L or I almost dropped a piece of luggage, but were able to catch it in time. My Aunt G and Uncle K had dropped us off and waved goodbye as L, C and I rode down the escalator. I'm not sure where we were going.

I remember seeing a man sitting in a chair waiting for his flight. I'm not sure if we ever got on a plane. I just remember reaching another airport, and then going out to the parking garage area to find our vehicles.

Here's where it gets a little weird.

My Aunt G was at this airport too! (Yes, she had previously left us at the first airport, so I have no idea how she made it to the arrival airport.) This time around she had a vehicle to drive my cousin L and I wherever we were going. My sister drove the vehicle that our grandpa and grandma came in to pick up whoever needed a ride. I'm not sure where we ended up this time either.

This all transpired over a longer period of time and with more detail, but recalling it now is a bit difficult.

The two vehicles left the parking garage and made it onto some very strange looking raised highway. At one point there was a loop that we would have to take and then merge onto a different part of the road.

This was not at all believable in my dream, and I remember thinking that at the time. Isn't that a bit strange? Thinking to myself in my dream that this couldn't be possible.

I know now that this would have been a good point to wake up. Oh, but I didn't.

So the road had a loop. Literally. Like one that you would find on one of those slot-car race tracks. If you get the car going fast enough, you can make the loop and the car goes completely upside down... Heh, not likely in the real world.

We were all driving. My aunt, cousin and I were behind my sister and grandparents. They took the loop first, trying to merge and come around the loop onto another part of the road. All of a sudden the car my sister is in goes careening, just literally flying off the road into the air.


I'm breathing rapidly by this point. Strange that I can remember being aware of my breathing, and that I could feel myself getting choked up.

My aunt stopped our vehicle. We could have been in the middle of the road for all I remember. We got out and somehow were quick enough to still see the other car come crashing down, only to roll over and over again smashing the roof. The really horrible thing was that in the dream I could see my sister and grandparents inside the car as it crashed and rolled.

That brings tears to my eyes even now.

I remember seeing my aunt out of the corner of my eye. We were frozen in place. None of us couldn't do anything until the vehicle stopped flipping, and we knew things weren't going to be good. Then I saw the man who had been sitting at the airport. He was just there. No real reason, since I have no idea who he was.

Then I recall being aware of my movements.

In my dream and in real life I was sobbing.
I could feel my body moving. I still hadn't begun to physically cry yet, but the sobs shook and woke me.

When I fully woke, I realized that it was all a very bad dream. I started to cry and sob even harder. Something told me not to hold it in. Even though I knew it wasn't real, I couldn't keep those emotions and fears inside.

J woke up by that point and realized what had happened. Being the sweet husband he is, he told me that it was over and that it wasn't real. I continued to sob, and he gently repeated, that it wasn't real. It was only a dream. Once I was able to stop crying, he asked if I wanted to talk about it.

I told him, "I guess so", and then proceeded to describe what I had just dreamt. Even stopping at certain points to tell him about parts in my dream I knew couldn't have happened.

I'm not sure why I had this dream, or what brought it on. Perhaps it's due to the fact that my sister is at a conference near where my grandparents live, and she was there to visit them over the weekend. Maybe because I wanted to be able to go see her while she was there, but I couldn't.

I didn't even eat anything strange, or watch something that would have suggested a certain kind of dream. All I know, is that if I don't have a dream like the one I just had for a long time, it will be just fine with me.

2 thoughtful comments:

glee said...

Well, I'm okay and so is L.

That was a weird one. It reminds me of the time we were in Arlington and all decided to go to the IMAX and got caught in a big rain storm and decided to turn back. That was pretty scary to me, simply because I wasn't driving. (Power-hungry me!)

Well, I hope whatever strange thing that caused you to dream that played itself out in that dream.

I hope you will sleep well tonight. Sometimes nightmares make me want to skip sleep.

Again, L and I are fine. Thanks for sharing this, since it helps me be thankful that we are all okay.


Chris H said...

YES I have had dreams like that... and they can cloud your whole day.... weird that.

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