Struggling

I'm at a loss for words.

It's odd because my mind has been spinning. Full of thoughts, and anxiety. My stomach is knotted up, it's difficult to concentrate.

I guess I should say that both J and I have been reeling, since 10:00 pm last night and it's just now starting to settle a bit.

As I write, more words come, yet I need to hold back a little.

There was an incident, that involved the husband of one of J's employees, and he was taken by life-flight to the hospital. We got to the hospital in the MICU around 11:00 pm and stayed with the wife, K, daughter, and the husband's family. After much of his family arrived, the doctors spoke to us, and we took turns checking in on G, the husband. We all decided it would be best to go home and get some rest at 3:00 am when there had not been any major changes.

Today I've been struggling. Yes I'm tired, but I'm not referring to a lack of sleep. My thoughts and feelings have been a roller coaster.


Last night we prayed before we drove to the hospital that God would use us the best way He can, to help K and G's family during this time.

Before we all left early this morning, I was walking with K. We talked, and I mostly listened. It touched me to hear K say she was grateful we came, and that it meant more to her than we can really understand.


This afternoon, both J and I had similar thoughts and feelings about the situation. I told J, that in general, today felt strange. I didn't realize how difficult things would be, even for us, by simply going to be with someone while their loved one is on life support. J and I have both had close family members stay in the hospital for long periods of time because of illness, and then pass on. It isn't easy, nor will it ever be. While we understand that, I don't think we had seen someone on life support before, and then truly realized what it meant.

While we know G and K, we had only met K a few times at different gatherings. What seemed "odd" today, was that J and I had both broken down several times during the day.

I was sitting at my desk working, and began to cry. The first thoughts to come out of my mouth, mid tears were,

"Why am I feeling this way? I don't even know him that well. Why do I keep breaking down and sobbing?"

Then I stopped, and thought about it. The small shred of understanding I grasped, is that God is working though us right now. We are truly feeling (if only a fraction) some of the family's pain. Not just out of sympathy, but actually being there, to listen, to hold a hand, to see their struggle, and in a sense to share some of it.

That made me realize this is one way we are helping, and providing some comfort at this time.

My heart aches, because K's family does not live nearby. She has been "alone" in a sense, trying to stay strong, for her daughter, and the others.

I pray we can be strong for her.

"Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer." - Psalm 61:1